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If you try to say anything to me today that's not about my flying fish pepper shaker from the antique store, I will beat the shit out of you. I'm so serious.

daily-spooky

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newurlnewmenewyou

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Parents: why you wanna move so bad

Me: independence

Me in head: gettin a lizard

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Most Celebrities: embarassed by their old tweets, pretend they don’t exist.

Ice T:

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That sounds excruciating and he should 1) see a doctor, and 2) repent for his cursing us with seeing that tweet in the first place

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waLk into the club like whaddup i got oh no oh god im in the wrong building im so sorry i didnt mean to interrupt this funeral god bless

invented a chess opening called the lovers gambit where you toss the pieces aside and start kissing your opponent on the table

I think I know how humans can beat supercomputers at chess again

i cant help but hope the vague physical form my mutuals have invented for when they think of me is hot

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